My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
