hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
