Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
