You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
