Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Success! We fucked roommates!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
