Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
