that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You pole danced in your parka.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
