Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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