The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
