i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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