i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize