I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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