did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
