Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize