Will you blow on my dice?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
