so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
