I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he shaved USA in his pubs
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
