omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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