I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
