Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
