I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
