it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I will be naked everywhere
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
