Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
