Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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