Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
