yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize