so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
