My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
