apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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