You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
