i would punch a child for taco bell
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
