I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
