When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
