He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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