If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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