My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
