no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
