Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
