If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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