I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
