I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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