idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
