I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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