if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
NoShamevember. You game?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
