Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
