i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
