You made me cry and you don't even care
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
