I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
