some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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