Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
