I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
