I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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