I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize