covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
