i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
