remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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