I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
