I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
