Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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