so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
