Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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