What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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