he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
