tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
