Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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