please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
