Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
