we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
