sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
