I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
