I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
