so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
